I just read an excellent parenting article on how to show your child love.
Go to:
How to Show Your Child Love
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
High School Teen Pregnancy Pact
Hi-
There is a great new blog post about the Gloucester high school teen pregnancy pact.
This is a must read!
There is a great new blog post about the Gloucester high school teen pregnancy pact.
This is a must read!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Child Defiance
Recently, there was a movie about the child that seemed to fight with everyone that was in his life. Because of this he was given the label of a 'defiant child'. The real reason he was fighting was because everyone was trying to make him someone he was not. In the end of the movie a man came along who understood him and as a result his whole attitude changed. The movie ended happily for everybody.
Child Defiance: the Source
Why are we dealing with so many defiant children in our society today? Let me ask you a few questions.
When you see your child is doing something and it is not quite right, do you correct him? When he is lining up cars in a row and the row isn't straight do you help him make it straight? If you are the type of parent that tries to make your children do things your way and to your standard, then you need to take a step back.
Sometimes you child does need correction. It is your job as a parent to provide that. However, being corrected is not pleasant for anyone. And you can only do it so many times and so often until in engenders child defiance. Do it too often and you will make your child become defiant he or she will end up shutting you out and having nothing to do with you.
We may think we are helping when we say things like you have to do your homework as soon as you get home in your room and at your desk? Or do we say you have to clean your room today by 6 o’clock or you will be grounded for a week? Does it matter where they do their homework or how long it takes them to clean their room as long as it gets done. That would be like us being picky about the way the books are stacked on the bookcase. What does it matter as long as the books are on the bookcase?
This is true of all children. However, a child who has ADHD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder is even more likely to rebel. He is naturally wired that way.
When your child has ADHD or ODD he has trouble expressing himself already. So when he is doing something and you go in and try to correct him, you are inviting child defiance and a tantrum. You are widening the gap in your relationship with your child. With too much correction your ADHD or ODD child will become automatically on the defense when you come around. Ant that is not good. It is not good for your child and it is not good for your relationship with your child.
We as parents must give direction. That is part of our role as parents. Our children need this direction. However, giving direction is like withdrawing money from the bank. You have only so much 'cash' in your relationship account and when you direct of criticize your child you are making a withdrawal. And if you take out too much and go into overdraft too often, your child is going to shut down your account.
When you are dealing with any child, but especially an ADHD or ODD child you need to pick your fights. If your child is doing what you asked, why should you cares if it is not done exactly your way as long as it gets done.
A child with ADHD or ODD needs to feel safe and secure with his parents. If your response to a tantrum is to have a tantrum of your own, then your child is not going to feel very safe and secure. This will cause friction and cause a wedge in your relationship.
In summary, dealing with an ADHD or ODD child is a delicate balance. Don’t be over pushy, and pick your battles. Let your child be the boss when it comes to the way he does something as long as he is doing what you ask and not endangering himself.
The health of your child and your relationship is all that matters in the long run. It is okay to skip a few details along the way as long as you are both happy with the end result. If you want to eliminate child defiance in your home, you have to cut back on the friction. In the end you will find that everyone is happier. Your defiant child will be happier and your other children will respond to you better. And when the need arises that you must tell them what to do all your children will be more likely to listen and their will be less child defiance in your home.
Child Defiance: the Source
Why are we dealing with so many defiant children in our society today? Let me ask you a few questions.
When you see your child is doing something and it is not quite right, do you correct him? When he is lining up cars in a row and the row isn't straight do you help him make it straight? If you are the type of parent that tries to make your children do things your way and to your standard, then you need to take a step back.
Sometimes you child does need correction. It is your job as a parent to provide that. However, being corrected is not pleasant for anyone. And you can only do it so many times and so often until in engenders child defiance. Do it too often and you will make your child become defiant he or she will end up shutting you out and having nothing to do with you.
We may think we are helping when we say things like you have to do your homework as soon as you get home in your room and at your desk? Or do we say you have to clean your room today by 6 o’clock or you will be grounded for a week? Does it matter where they do their homework or how long it takes them to clean their room as long as it gets done. That would be like us being picky about the way the books are stacked on the bookcase. What does it matter as long as the books are on the bookcase?
This is true of all children. However, a child who has ADHD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder is even more likely to rebel. He is naturally wired that way.
When your child has ADHD or ODD he has trouble expressing himself already. So when he is doing something and you go in and try to correct him, you are inviting child defiance and a tantrum. You are widening the gap in your relationship with your child. With too much correction your ADHD or ODD child will become automatically on the defense when you come around. Ant that is not good. It is not good for your child and it is not good for your relationship with your child.
We as parents must give direction. That is part of our role as parents. Our children need this direction. However, giving direction is like withdrawing money from the bank. You have only so much 'cash' in your relationship account and when you direct of criticize your child you are making a withdrawal. And if you take out too much and go into overdraft too often, your child is going to shut down your account.
When you are dealing with any child, but especially an ADHD or ODD child you need to pick your fights. If your child is doing what you asked, why should you cares if it is not done exactly your way as long as it gets done.
A child with ADHD or ODD needs to feel safe and secure with his parents. If your response to a tantrum is to have a tantrum of your own, then your child is not going to feel very safe and secure. This will cause friction and cause a wedge in your relationship.
In summary, dealing with an ADHD or ODD child is a delicate balance. Don’t be over pushy, and pick your battles. Let your child be the boss when it comes to the way he does something as long as he is doing what you ask and not endangering himself.
The health of your child and your relationship is all that matters in the long run. It is okay to skip a few details along the way as long as you are both happy with the end result. If you want to eliminate child defiance in your home, you have to cut back on the friction. In the end you will find that everyone is happier. Your defiant child will be happier and your other children will respond to you better. And when the need arises that you must tell them what to do all your children will be more likely to listen and their will be less child defiance in your home.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
ODD and Tantrums
Oppositional defiant disorder is a psychiatric disorder affecting mainly children. It is characterized by defiant and disruptive behaviors towards authority figures (parents and teachers) greater than would be normal for a child of that developmental age and which causes social problems. These behaviors are typified by regular intense and prolonged tantrums.
ODD Symptoms
The trigger for oppositional defiant behavior and tantrums is often a request by an authority figure, though often the child will deliberately seek out confrontation by being willfully disruptive. Children with oppositional defiant disorder blame others for there behavior or mistakes and have low self esteem. Often seen from a very early age parents report children with oppositional defiant disorder are rigid and demanding even when very little.
These are the symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
The ODD child:
Tantrums are a continual problem for parents of ODD children. Temper tantrums are frequent and extreme lasting many hours. Oppositional defiant disorder children become frustrated and then angry when they don't get their own way. Losing their temper and having a tantrum can occur suddenly and with little warning. However, if you look for the warning signs, then you may distract your child and avoid a confrontation.
It is important to remain neutral when dealing with tantrums. Becoming frustrated and angry yourself, will just increase the intensity of the tantrum. When you see that your intervention is not helping or is even exacerbating the situation, then you should take steps to calm the situation.
Time outs can be very effective, provided they are used to help your child step back from the situation and not seen as a punishment. Use praise and support your child if they decide to take a time out from a confrontation. Be sure to give him the space to relax and to calm himself.
Discipline needs to be consistent with firm boundaries and limitations with recognized and age appropriate consequences for misbehavior. It is easy to give in for a quiet time but it is important to be consistent and to follow words with actions.
Pick your battles in order to avoid unnecessary confrontation, focus on what you want your child to do rather than getting sidetracked onto other issues. Consequences should be limited to those that can be consistently reinforced and last for the least amount of time possible.
For example having given a time out for disruptive behavior doesn’t add time for arguing concentrate on carrying out the time out. Trying to discuss the problem rationally is often seen as restarting the argument so it is important to avoid doing this once the tantrum is over as it may cause further confrontation.
Praise and reinforce positive behavior, recognizing good behavior is just as important as discipline for disruptive behavior. Praise is not only a positive experience for both you and the child but helps to teach your child what is acceptable and how they should behave. Praising even minor behaviors such as cooperation and flexibility can help to build self-esteem.
Find ways to interact positively with your child, whilst teaching them to communicate their emotions in a calm way. This can be done through fun word games and games where the child is the leader and gets to play the authority figure, they often rebel against. This will help the child to understand better parents and teachers view points and help them to become more cooperative.
Spending time on other interests and other family members allows you to take a break from the demands of raising a child with oppositional defiant disorder and gives you a chance to relax and manage your own stress. Many parents feel they neglect their partners and other children, as they have to focus all their attention on managing their child’s behavior. Taking a break doesn’t mean you are neglecting your child as you will be better able to deal with your child’s behavior than if you didn’t take time to relax occasionally.
Seeking help and advice from professionals and other parents with children that have oppositional defiant disorder allows you to build up an essential support network to help you to better cope with your child’s behavior. As well as not feeling you and your partner have been left to raise and deal with your child’s behavior alone, you will gain advice and knowledge about how to treat and improve your child’s condition and be better equipped to cope with your child’s tantrums.
Parenting Resources:
ODD Symptoms
The trigger for oppositional defiant behavior and tantrums is often a request by an authority figure, though often the child will deliberately seek out confrontation by being willfully disruptive. Children with oppositional defiant disorder blame others for there behavior or mistakes and have low self esteem. Often seen from a very early age parents report children with oppositional defiant disorder are rigid and demanding even when very little.
These are the symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
The ODD child:
- Frequently loses his or her temper
- He or she regularly argues with adults
- Consistently and willfully defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
- Deliberately annoys other people consistently
- Regularly places the blame for his or her mistakes on others
- Refuses to take responsibility for the outcome of misbehavior
- Is easily annoyed by other people
- Frequently gets angry or becomes resentful
- Is acts in a spiteful or vindictive manner
Tantrums are a continual problem for parents of ODD children. Temper tantrums are frequent and extreme lasting many hours. Oppositional defiant disorder children become frustrated and then angry when they don't get their own way. Losing their temper and having a tantrum can occur suddenly and with little warning. However, if you look for the warning signs, then you may distract your child and avoid a confrontation.
It is important to remain neutral when dealing with tantrums. Becoming frustrated and angry yourself, will just increase the intensity of the tantrum. When you see that your intervention is not helping or is even exacerbating the situation, then you should take steps to calm the situation.
Time outs can be very effective, provided they are used to help your child step back from the situation and not seen as a punishment. Use praise and support your child if they decide to take a time out from a confrontation. Be sure to give him the space to relax and to calm himself.
Discipline needs to be consistent with firm boundaries and limitations with recognized and age appropriate consequences for misbehavior. It is easy to give in for a quiet time but it is important to be consistent and to follow words with actions.
Pick your battles in order to avoid unnecessary confrontation, focus on what you want your child to do rather than getting sidetracked onto other issues. Consequences should be limited to those that can be consistently reinforced and last for the least amount of time possible.
For example having given a time out for disruptive behavior doesn’t add time for arguing concentrate on carrying out the time out. Trying to discuss the problem rationally is often seen as restarting the argument so it is important to avoid doing this once the tantrum is over as it may cause further confrontation.
Praise and reinforce positive behavior, recognizing good behavior is just as important as discipline for disruptive behavior. Praise is not only a positive experience for both you and the child but helps to teach your child what is acceptable and how they should behave. Praising even minor behaviors such as cooperation and flexibility can help to build self-esteem.
Find ways to interact positively with your child, whilst teaching them to communicate their emotions in a calm way. This can be done through fun word games and games where the child is the leader and gets to play the authority figure, they often rebel against. This will help the child to understand better parents and teachers view points and help them to become more cooperative.
Spending time on other interests and other family members allows you to take a break from the demands of raising a child with oppositional defiant disorder and gives you a chance to relax and manage your own stress. Many parents feel they neglect their partners and other children, as they have to focus all their attention on managing their child’s behavior. Taking a break doesn’t mean you are neglecting your child as you will be better able to deal with your child’s behavior than if you didn’t take time to relax occasionally.
Seeking help and advice from professionals and other parents with children that have oppositional defiant disorder allows you to build up an essential support network to help you to better cope with your child’s behavior. As well as not feeling you and your partner have been left to raise and deal with your child’s behavior alone, you will gain advice and knowledge about how to treat and improve your child’s condition and be better equipped to cope with your child’s tantrums.
Parenting Resources:
Treating Your Child's Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
How to Stop Your Child from Arguing with You
Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD help for parents
Oppositional Defiant Disorder- ODD Test
Complete Connection Parenting Community Blog
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